Our baby boy arrived on July 7, 2013 around 10:30 pm via c section after our birthmom labored for 30 hours. He was admitted for NICU to test for some infections, and then they found that his oxygen was low, and then he puked up some green stuff. So we spent 7 days in NICU, but brought our baby home yesterday! All of the legal stuff is going smoothly, and hopefully birthmother relinquishment will be this week. This has been an amazing experience. And the week in the hospital allowed for a good beginning to our relationship with the birthfamily. I think they are amazing people for giving us such an amazing gift. So far, life with a newborn is just as I was hoping.
Our birthmom was induced yesterday afternoon! Unfortunately she’s having a difficult time establishing regular contractions, so they’re going to have to start some more invasive procedures today. But I think our little guy is coming soon!
We had our match meeting with the hopeful birthmom, and I think it went really well (in addition to being very surreal). I think we connected, and she and my husband share a similar sense of humor. She seems very resolute in her adoption plan, and I feel better about the entire situation after meeting her. I think she really wants her baby to have a better life. She said she chose us because we looked like nice, normal, balanced people. This is so crazy! I think she’s going to give us her baby!
Tomorrow we have to go shopping for…. everything!
In all of the adoption blogs I stalk, I’ve never come across this situation…. Our current match is through our local adoption agency, and not the out of state one. However, I hadn’t notified the out of state agency about our match yet, because I’m so freaked out that the expectant mom will change her mind. We’re supposed to meet the birthmom in about 45 minutes, and I was planning to tell the other agency after the meeting. But this morning I got a call from the out-of-state agency that we’ve just been matched through them! Luckily (?) the agency is now closed for the long weekend and they left messages this morning, so we have the long weekend to make sure that we want to turn them down. The local match is better so far for several reasons, and I’m hoping I’ll feel more confident after meeting the birthmom. This is crazy!
We got “the call!” We’ve been matched with an expectant mom! The call came while I was at work yesterday. A baby boy is due on July 18 in our hometown, and we’ve been chosen to parent! Of course, none of this seems real yet. We’re supposed to meet with the hopeful birthmom next week, and I think it will all seem very abstract until that moment. But, with the due date only 3 weeks away I’ve had to start making arrangements with my work. I’m trying to tell only those that need to know and not announce until after the baby arrives, but this is going to be difficult. Lots of birthmoms change their minds and decide to parent after they hold their baby for the first time, so I’m trying to stay cautiously optimistic….
Our local agency contacted us yesterday with a possible situation to see if we were interested. It feels surreal to spend the night researching the effects of prenatal meth exposure. Obviously, this isn’t anything I would have even considered doing, much less while I was pregnant. And now it’s a part of my story. It makes me sad on so many levels. I’m sad that I’m not able to control the prenatal environment of my baby. I’m sad that these babies won’t start life with the best situation. I’m sad for the expectant moms that these chemicals are so addictive that they’re unable to stop for their baby. And, in a strange way, I’m sad that I’m given the choice of whether or not to accept the situation. I almost wish I could just be given a baby, and then have to figure it out as I go. But now I spend the night trying to tease apart propaganda and bias from truth. I agonize over what our life will be if our baby is seriously affected by exposure to any drug or alcohol. And I worry that my husband is going to go along with me now, but resent me later for getting us in over our heads. I also try to resolve my idea of life with a newborn with descriptions of newborns going through withdrawal. It all feels so grown up and scary.
Ultimately, this particular situation doesn’t seem like our baby. The expectant mom came to the agency with an identified family, and the agency is just looking for backups in case the family backs out. But this type of situation will come up again.
In more positive news, the agency said that they’ve been busy recently. In fact, they’re meeting with another expectant mom tonight and will be presenting profiles, including ours. They haven’t had to contact us with other situations yet, so hopefully this means that most babies are healthy.
Our adoption agency called today with our 8 week update. I’d been expecting the update, but I thought it would be emailed instead of a phone call. I was holding a piece of pizza when they called, and dropped the pizza on it’s face when I saw the caller id.
She had no information for us. She couldn’t say how many times our profile had been sent out, or what any reactions to the profile were. She wasn’t even able to say how many matches had been made in the past two months by the agency. She just wanted to see how we were doing, but didn’t have any suggestions about anything. I’m glad to know they still have us on their radar, but I wish I could have heard something just a bit encouraging.
Waiting is hard, but I realize in the big picture we’re still new to the waiting game. I feel myself pulling away from my infertility support group and adoption friends, but I have to focus on other things in order to not let it consume my thoughts. I have a friend who started the adoption process at exactly the same time as us, and I was hoping that she’d be with me for the wait. But her daughter is turning 2 months old this week. So excited for her, but it makes me realize there is no rhyme or reason to adoption!