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Archive for June, 2011

Cycle #11

AF started on Father’s Day. It was rough for me because DH got lots of happy Father’s Day wishes, but I still don’t have any babies. He’s never going to know what it’s like to not have any children, but yet his low count is why we don’t have any yet. It’s hard for me to deal with.

At the beginning of this journey I told a few people that live a long way away and I don’t interact with very often that we were starting to try to get pregnant. One of them told me that it took them 11 months before catching the egg. At that time I couldn’t believe it, and asked how they managed to stay patient for that long. Well, here I am at 11 months now. I’m tired of this. I want a baby.

DH is on multi-vitamins plus daily brazil nuts and OJ. He was taking a low dose of L-Carnitine (250 mg), but this weekend we bought a higher dose (500 mg). He’s being a trooper and being really good about this. We have plans to start IUI in the fall. We’ll probably wait until after vacation and then start making arrangements. We’re hoping that we’ll have our BFP by Christmas, but that seems so far away, and I’m nervous that it won’t happen.

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Massage

I had a luxious massage today. About 5-10 minutes into the massage I mentioned that I’d been trying to have a baby for a while. The massage therapist laughed and said, “the first thing I though when I put my hands on your body was that you seem really open. I actually thought ‘I wonder if she’s trying to get pregnant. She might be pregnant.'” I’m 4-5 dpo today (FF and I disagree on my O date), so too early to test, but maybe someone who is really tuned in can feel some energy. KMFX

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Rough month

I’m probably a big baby for feeling this way, but I’m having a rough month and starting to feel really down. Mother’s Day came and I was feeling pretty good, hopefully I’ll be a mom by next year. I O’d the day after Mother’s Day, and we had good timing. But then I went to my RE appointment and found out that DH has a bad sperm count and bad motility. Not horrible, but not good. Of course, a few days later I got AF. We had an active week last week, but on Saturday I was playing games with DH and SIL, and SIL made a comment about how DH used to grope his ex in public, and how he once advised her (SIL) that sex in the shower was difficult. Ok, I get that DH was married before, but I really didn’t need that mental image. I feel like his ex’s name comes up everywhere I go, and I just want a chance to be his wife instead of her.

Yesterday was my birthday. My friends were all nice about it. DH and I went to dinner, but since I had to choose where and it’s our money, I didn’t really feel like dinner counts as his bday gift to me. So when we got home I asked if I had a present, and he said he hadn’t gotten one. I’ve always told him that I like to have something small to show that he’s thinking of me. So of course I felt like crap, and DH tried to make it up by buying a massage for me.

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