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Archive for February, 2013

Physical exams and second guessing

It took three doctors appointments before I was able to get my physical exam paperwork for adoption signed by a doctor. A few posts ago I mentioned that my new GP tried to put me off for another 6 weeks. But the next day her office called back and said that she would be in after all for my original appointment. And then, the day before my appointment, her office called and said that she wouldn’t fill out the adoption paperwork during my appointment. Luckily, I had made an appointment with my RE for the following week, and hoped he would be able to fill it out, so I wasn’t too worried.

Appointment #1 (with new GP): This appointment turned out to just be an “establishing” appointment, and wasn’t actually a physical exam. She also mentioned that she wasn’t comfortable filling out adoption paperwork for new patients because the last time she did it, the adoptive parents abused the child they adopted. I tried to explain that her role was just to verify that I was physically fit to be a parent, and the social worker should be looking at my mental health and parenting abilities. But she felt guilty because she was still part of the loop. Frustrating that one person can ruin it for everyone. We needed to schedule a physical, and normally this would take several more months, but she was able to fit me in to an “urgent” slot the following week. She said she would fill out the paperwork at the time if she had to, but she would be more comfortable if my RE would do it.

Appointment #2 (with the new GP): A physical exam including pap, breast exam, and blood draw. She recommends again that my RE fill out the paperwork, but says she will do it if he doesn’t.

Appointment #3 (with my RE): This appointment was actually a follow-up for my endometriosis since he’s agreed to help me manage it even though we’re not TTC. I also brought in the paperwork, so he needed to give me a physical exam. He said that he normally doesn’t fill out adoption paperwork either, but is happy to do it for us. Then he mentions that it’s rather ironic that he won’t fill out the paperwork, because he tries to give all of his patients babies without ever evaluating their ability to be good parents. Now I’m starting to get annoyed that this is so complicated just to have a doctor sign a form saying that I’m healthy. But he does it. Then we take a look at my endometriomas. Luckily they haven’t grown since he saw me in October. Righty is at 7-8 cm and lefty is at 6-7 cm. We started with a transvaginal ultra sound, but I’m so squirmy about it that he switched to an abdominal ultrasound. If he can see everything with an abdominal ultrasound, why did he start with the transvaginal one? Even though they haven’t grown, they’re both huge! I mention that I’m worried about them doing something really bad, and he said there’s not much to do. The endo can damage my urethra, bowels, or kidneys. I can have a CT scan or an MRI if I want, but if something was happening I’d have symptoms in advance. I could have another lap, but he thinks next time someone is in there that I will lose at least one ovary, and it’s better to retain some sort of ovarian function for as long as possible. He did say that the bladder didn’t seem to be involved. So we agreed to leave it, and I’ll come back in six months for another ultrasound. 

During my appointment, he tried to talk me into donor eggs and donor embryos. He said I’m a good candidate because my uterus is normal. His success rates with donor eggs are really high; with all of the donor egg cycles he’s done, there have only been two women who have had to do two rounds. He felt so confident about it that he even offered me a money back guarantee if I didn’t get pregnant. And of course, he brought up all of the negative parts of adoption and not having control over genetics or the prenatal environment. Sigh. I feel confident about our adoption decision, and I think it’s natural to second guess, but I really don’t like someone to forcing me to second guess.

I also had my CD3 FSH and AMH tested since I saw him last, and asked what the numbers were, for my own knowledge. My FSH was 14, and he couldn’t find my AMH. 14 is high. He said below 10 is normal, above 20 is menopausal. My research found that my age group should be around an 8, and many IVF clinics won’t do IVF at 15 or higher.

I really got really depressed after the appointment. Adoption paperwork is hard to get. I’m never going to be pregnant, even though I look like a good candidate for donor options. I’ll never know what my genetic child will look like. I won’t have control over my baby’s prenatal environment. I have nasty endometriomas that will need continued monitoring. I’m going to have many abdominal ultrasounds for my cysts, but never for a baby. Sometimes I want to collapse under the weight of it all.

I really hope my husband’s paperwork is smoother.

 

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Happy Valentine’s Day

At breakfast this morning my 5 year old stepson told me that he was going to marry me. 🙂

My favorite facebook quote of the day is from Dr. Seuss, “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

I must be getting old because these two things are giving me a warm Valentine’s Day feeling.

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Broken medical system

Some of the last pieces of paperwork we’re waiting on for our adoption are our medical exams. We both scheduled our exams in December.

I hadn’t been happy with my GP last time I saw her, so I used this as a good time to switch. In December, they scheduled me for Feb. 12. I thought most of our paperwork would be wrapping up around then, so I was ok with waiting. But today (Feb. 7) they called to tell me that she was out of town on Feb. 12, and I needed to reschedule. The earliest they could get me in was MARCH 26!! I was hoping to be actively waiting in our agencies by then! So, of course, I threw a fit. The best they could do was send my name up in case there was a cancellation before then. Fortunately, my RE had agreed to continue to see me for my endo, and I’m due for a check-up. I called the RE’s office, and they can get me in on Feb. 19, and I’ll have him fill out the form. I’d also been hoping that I could transfer my thyroid care to a GP when my prescription runs out this month, but I guess my RE will have to continue yet again.

On my husband’s side of things, when he called his Dr. in December, he hadn’t been seen there for 5 years, so they were treating him as a new patient, and the soonest they could get him in was March 6. That slowed down our process, but I didn’t see any options for him, so I was willing to wait it out. In January he hurt his hip, and tried to get in earlier, but they wouldn’t see him and said if he needed to be seen he should go to ER or urgent care. When he started having breathing problems he knew that his Dr. wasn’t available, so he waited until things were bad enough to go to urgent care, where they misdiagnosed his pulmonary embolism as bronchitis. He could have died! But if he’d seen a competent doctor earlier it might not have been so bad.

Our medical system is really broken and disappointing. And we’re middle class with health insurance.

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