Archive for May, 2013

Yesterday was my third Mother’s Day since trying to make/find my own baby. In 2011 I still thought it was just a matter of time. Surely by the next Mother’s Day I’d at least be pregnant or have a baby. In 2012 I hadn’t ovulated in 3 months due to Lupron Depot injections, but was still optimistic that medicine could help me and by the next Mother’s Day I’d be pregnant or have a baby. And now, in 2013, I’m trying to be optimistic that I might have a baby (through adoption) by next Mother’s Day. All of this hoping and waiting is tiring, and I feel like I lose my enthusiasm and optimism as time wears on.

I was prepared to be bitter on Mother’s Day. I feel like my stepmothering isn’t acknowledged, and I don’t have my own baby yet. On Thursday I took my older stepson (7) to basketball practice, and came home and made his lunch for the next day (two very mother-type activities). I opened his backpack to look for his lunch box and saw all of his Mother’s day gifts for his mom. His mom is a great mom, and totally deserves all of these mother’s day gifts, and this isn’t about her. I also know that school assignments are to make a mother’s day gift for your mom. I know he’s just following directions and the lack of gifts for me is not a personal statement. But I wish the schools would encourage students to think of other mother-types in their lives. So I was ready to be bitter. But once again, the day wasn’t so bad, and by the end of the day when I went to bed I was happy and grateful to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day.

The boys (5 and 7) were with us again this Mother’s Day, but luckily this past year they’ve started to let us sleep in on the weekends.

7:45: I wake up and check email and FB. A very old friend that I haven’t spoken to directly in over 5 years sent me a personal message saying that she was thinking of me and knew that amazing things were ahead.

8:00 I go downstairs to start making pancakes, and find flowers and a card signed by my husband and stepsons.

8:05 My older stepson finds me and gives me a silly paper airplane and a hug and wishes me happy Mother’s Day. He also helps me make scrambled eggs and talks to me for a while.

8:30 My younger stepson complains that the pancakes don’t have chocolate chips (ok, maybe he’s too young to understand Mother’s Day just yet). We eat breakfast.

9:00-12:00 Laundry, showers, chores

1:00 A very nice lunch with my husband’s family and my stepsons. While we’re out, everyone who sees me with the boys wishes me happy mother’s day. My SIL even wishes me happy mother’s day. Sometimes I feel guilty when people assume that I’m their mom. I feel like I need to explain that these are my stepkids. But I’ve started to realize it doesn’t really matter. I’m “mom at dad’s house,” and I am a mom to them, even if I’m “only” their stepmom.

3:00 Drop off the boys at their mom’s house for her Mother’s Day.

7:00 My parents come over for Mother’s Day dessert.

8:00 My period starts. Even though we’ve moved on to adoption, this monthly visitor is always a reminder that my body is broken. And, unfortunately, my cycles are very regular.

Once again, it was a nice Mother’s Day. I’m very lucky to have a mother-role in my stepsons’ lives. I’m also lucky to be part of my Little Sister’s (9 years old) life. Even though I’m not in a mother role to her, I still am an adult female role model, and I enjoy our time together.

The only thing that would make the day even better would be to have my own baby. Maybe next year.


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